Many singles do not end up in wrong relationships because they are foolish.
They end up there because something inside them is under pressure.
A person can love God, attend church, pray sincerely, and still choose badly if they are choosing from a crisis.
In Genesis 29, Leah’s story gives us a painful but powerful picture. The Bible says:
“Now Laban had two daughters. The name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance.”
Genesis 29:16–17
Before Leah is fully known, she is already being compared.
Rachel is described by beauty. Leah is described by weakness.
Rachel is desired. Leah is overlooked.
Rachel is pursued. Leah is placed into a situation where she is not truly chosen.
This is where many wrong relationships begin: not with wisdom, but with pressure, insecurity, and hidden pain.
- The Crisis of Time
The crisis of time says, “I am getting old.”
“My friends are getting married.”
“My younger siblings are moving ahead.”
“I cannot wait forever.”
“At least someone is interested.”
This crisis makes people ignore reality.
They see the warning signs, but they silence them.
They know the person is not aligned, but they continue.
They know love is not mutual, but they hope it will grow.
They know peace is missing, but they are afraid to start over.
Time becomes louder than truth.
But pressure does not make a wrong relationship right. A rushed decision can become a long regret.
Never allow the fear of being late to push you into a relationship that is not built on clarity, honour, and alignment.
- The Crisis of Identity
Leah lived in comparison. Rachel was the one Jacob loved. Rachel was the one he worked for. Leah was in the marriage, but Rachel was in his heart.
That is painful.
When identity is wounded, people start accepting less than their value. They tolerate confusion because they fear rejection. They accept being hidden because they want to belong. They settle for attention because they are hungry for affirmation.
A crisis of identity makes you ask the wrong question.
Instead of asking, “Is this person right for me?”
You begin asking, “Why can’t they love me?”
That question is dangerous because it turns love into performance. You start trying to prove that you are enough.
But you cannot heal identity wounds by begging for love from someone who does not see your value.
If you do not know who you are, you will accept what only looks like love.
- The Crisis of Hidden Pain
Leah’s pain did not disappear when she got married. In fact, marriage exposed it.
She gave Jacob sons, but still longed for love. She kept hoping that what she produced would finally make him see her, want her, and attach to her.
That is what hidden pain does.
It makes people look for healing in relationships.
It makes attention feel like medicine.
It makes affection feel like rescue.
It makes marriage look like an escape.
But a relationship cannot heal what a person refuses to bring before God.
Many singles are not really looking for love. They are looking for someone to silence the pain of being overlooked, rejected, abandoned, or compared.
That is dangerous.
Because if you choose from pain, you will not choose based on wisdom. You will choose based on relief.
Before You Say “I Do”
Before you choose, ask yourself:
Am I choosing because I am ready, or because I feel late?
Am I choosing from identity, or from insecurity?
Am I choosing this person, or am I choosing the feeling of being chosen?
Am I ignoring reality because I fear starting over?
Am I asking marriage to heal what only God can heal?
Marriage is too weighty to be entered as a rescue plan.
Do not choose from crisis.
Choose from clarity.
This is the heart behind my book, Before You Say I Do: Choosing the Right Partner for Life. It was written to help singles, dating individuals, and those preparing for marriage make decisions with wisdom, discernment, and spiritual understanding.
Because one decision can either multiply your purpose or bury your future.
Before you say “I do,” make sure you are not choosing from pressure, insecurity, or pain.
Choose wisely.
Choose prayerfully.
Choose with understanding.
